Throwing A Back To School PTA Party That Doesn't Suck

Get Kelly a margarita before she flips her shit over the carpool line.

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Put down the half-eaten piece of celery and drop the powdered sugar brownie bite wrapped in a napkin. Dream bigger: it’s time to plan a back to school PTA event that’s somewhat tolerable.

By definition, a PTA’s role is to build strong working relationships among parents, teachers and schools in support of its students. It’s also an excuse to get a babysitter, eat free snacks, and judge other parents. So why not throw an event that really facilitates productive conversation, fun, and lots of side-eye.

School’s Not Cool

Stringing up market lights in the backyard or the soft glow of a fire pit are friendlier than the harsh overhead lights of a classroom. Hello, trigger warning galore. Taking the meeting out of the auditorium of broken dreams for something more casual to take the tension down a notch.

Throw A Backyard Tiki Party

When you overhear someone say, “Well, MY son,” interrupt them with a Mai Tai. Problem solved. Backyard tiki party for the win. Also, nice way to hang onto those summer vibes in a non-desperate way.

Get Messy With A Seafood Boil

This one’s a little out of the box, pot, whatever. But nothing escalates social anxiety, and then totally obliterates it, like wearing a bib and cracking crustaceans at a seafood boil. How much infighting and politicking can occur while discussing the new yearly budget if you are also sucking the meat from a crab leg?

Upgrade Your Snack Game

A meeting, event, party, etc. is only as good as its snacks, and a premade tub of guacamole is just depressing. You know that. Do better. We suggest you make your own goods. Pizza and ice cream, anyone?

Distraction As A Tactic

Sure, the point of a PTA meeting is to vote on some stuff. But, what if you just like got to know each other instead? We’re not saying the field trip schedule isn’t important. We’re just saying making choices as a group will be easier when you can hang as regular adult people with regular adult lives you talk about. Why not take a moment away from the agenda and kick back with a movie?

Game It Up

Tyler’s Dad is clearly playing games with everyone again. Why not play games back?

School Of Rock

Sing your heart out with karaoke. Maybe don’t belt the lyrics to “Another Brick in The Wall” in front of the teachers, though.

Do Less

We definitely just wrote a whole post about how you should do something more elaborate for your next PTA event, but now we are here to totally contradict ourselves: you also DON’T have to do something involved, or force PTA members to wear seafood bibs. You can do something simple like a classic dinner party.

Screw it

Does this seem too overwhelming? Maybe you should quit the PTA, move to a houseboat, and start homeschooling your children. Actually, don’t do that. Just take a weekend out of town or try backpacking into the woods until you regain clarity.

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