Here’s the situation: it’s 2019, and you’ve been angling for a promotion ever since the guy who got hired after you moved from a cubicle to a shiny new office. With walls. But clearly your hard work, dedication to The Company, and hilarious GIFs you keep posting in the team Slack channel aren’t getting you noticed. So how, exactly, are you supposed to make it up that corporate ladder? Funnier GIFs? Maybe. Work harder. Nah. Organize an office laser tag event and make sure that you come out on top and that your boss is participating? Bingo.
Here’s how it goes down in 4 easy steps:
Step 1: Send out a calendar invite
Because preparation is key, it gives Brad in accounting plenty of time to find a sitter, and organization and preparedness is an attribute you know is an attribute of upper management.
Step 2: Set up the playing field
Those countless hours you’ve spent staring at the walls, ceilings, break rooms, and basically anywhere but your computer screen are about to pay off. You know the floorplan of your office better than anyone, and that’s going to serve you well.
Build obstacles out of conference room tables, office chairs, and cubicle walls. Figure out the perfect lighting situation to offer peak visibility/obscurity. Turn your boss’s office into a safe zone. And just maybe build in a secret little hiding spot for yourself so you can ride out the mayhem, emerging at the last minute to wipe out the final few left standing and reign victorious.
Step 3: Establish teams
This is where some real strategy comes into play. Put together the perfect team depending on the characteristics you’re trying to show off. Need to exemplify leadership skills? Put your boss on your team, along with a few slow pokes, and lead everyone to victory (possibly by taking advantage of your hiding spot from Step 2). Want to put your Team Player-ness on display? Put your boss on the opposing side, partner up a co-worker that no one particularly cares for (you know the one), and make sure they’re both having fun.
Or, to show the ruthless killer go-getter in you, make it an every-man-for-themselves style of game and take everyone out, one by one.
Step 4: Setting the mood
Yes, this is your cunning tactic at getting noticed for a promotion. But, at the end of the day, it could also turn out to actually be a fun bonding moment for your whole team/office. MIght as well get into it. Set up a couple of Spotify playlists ahead of time that you can shuffle through during various stages of play. Carve out a corner for a snack table so everyone can carbo load in between rounds, and maybe even spring for some booze to get everyone in the competitive mood.
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