How to Throw a Bomb Ass Super Bowl Party

Even if you don't really care about football.

joymode super bowl party

It’s January, which means it’s almost February, which means it’s almost time for the Super Bowl. Most of you reading this will be all like, “Hell yeah, football!” but there will also be a good amount of you who are all like, “Hell yeah, Tide commercials!” If you’re the latter, but still want an excuse to host people on America’s biggest day, look no further. We gotcha.

Get the Right Snacks

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If the most important part of the Super Bowl is football, the second most important part is the garbage you fill your body with. There’s simply no time for healthy choices here. We’re talking chili in the slow cooker. We’re talking wings. We’re talking M&Ms, far as the eye can see. Carrots and celery are permitted, so long as they are served next to some tasty wings. The more fried, the better. In fact...

Deep Fry As Many Things as Possible

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Have you ever used a deep fryer? They’re just delightful. It’s one of those things where you really can’t do any wrong. Churros? You betcha. Twinkies? It’s a thing. Grilled cheese and tomato soup dumplings? They’re a dang miracle.

Make Squares

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Next up on the list of good ole’ fashion American activities comes gambling. Squares are fun as hell, and requires no knowledge of football to actually bet. Grab some posterboard, create a 10x10 grid, label each axis with a team, and sell each square for a dollar. Have your idiot friends write their initials in each square they purchase, and then randomly draw the numbers 0-9 out of a hat. Then, write those numbers on both axes underneath the team names. At the end of each quarter, whoever has their initials on the correct numbers (pertaining to the score of the game) wins money. $15 for the first quarter, $20 for the second, $25 for the third, and $40 for the fourth. Hooray gambling!

Plan Optimum Seating

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You’ll want to make sure your seating situation is great. If everybody has a great view of the TV, that means they’ll be paying less attention to you and remain fully unaware of how much you truly don’t care about the sport of football.

Fire Up Some Flip Cup

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No matter how much your friends may claim to love football, the fact of the matter is that everybody also loves flip cup. Use this to your advantage; bust out as many games as you can, thus distracting them from the game and forcing them to pay attention to you as you mercilessly slaughter them in the ultimate cup-based drinking game.

Study Up on This Definitely Real Football Glossary

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Football terms can be tough. Check out these terms we definitely didn’t make up so you can talk shop with your friends as the day goes on.

  • Sack: a tackle behind the line of scrimmage
  • Rock: the ball
  • Huck it Down the Expressway: a nice pass
  • Three-Handed McGee: when a player grows a third arm, enabling them to outmaneuver a defender
  • Deep Spaghetti: when a player can’t find room to make a pass
  • Mom’s Spaghetti: a popular Eminem lyric
  • A Willy Wonka: when a player pushes another player into a chocolate river

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