Today, you’re throwing down the broom.
Today is the day when you stop cleaning up after your family and instead get them to help.
It sounds impossible, but we’ve found a way. An easy way. That doesn’t even involve bribery or terrorist threats.
Check it out.
“Honey. Kids. Gather ‘round and hear me. This is how life is going to work going forward. We will now be assembling regularly as an elite squad of specialists hell-bent on one mission: to make this place spotless. Everyone’s expertise is needed, not a single one of you can be spared. Can you brave heroes before me help me heed the call?”
In short, you need to empower your kids and untidy significant other to get off their duffs once and for all and do their part. And making it a fun game can only help.
Alternatively, you can take everyone’s cell phones hostage, rendering them powerless. Wait, did we say with or without terrorist threats?
Rather than detail all the many things you’d have to buy to make your residence sparkle like it did when it was a young residence, you’re just going to get us to drop our Deep Cleaning Kit off at your door. Maybe even grab that Carpet Deep Cleaner if you love the satisfying feeling of looking at a tub full of dirty water.
It comes with top-of-the-line equipment we’ve tested like no one has ever tested before, including one of those Dyson Ball Upright Vacuums, plus a Bissell PowerFresh steam mop and wait, as if that’s not enough, an extendable mi-cro-fi-ber dus-ter, y’all. Yeah.
This saves you driving time, shopping time, thinking time and listening-to-us time in one fall swoop. Faal swoop? Fell swoop? We’re going to go look that up now.
It was “fell,” in case you were curious. Anyway, to tackle any large problem, you want to break it down into the smallest pieces to make things quicker and less intimidating. We learned that on Cop Rock.
You’ll want to assign everyone a task, empowering them each with a challenge they must complete. This could mean everyone is responsible for a specific room. Or more effective, give everyone a specific job that is theirs and theirs alone, so they can take some pride in it. If you have to make it a competition, go for it.
A basic plan: your biggest kid gets to run the vacuum. The smallest one gets the duster so they can run around barely doing anything and still be of moderate help. Your mate will take steam mop duty. And you will... supervise. Which comes with drinking privileges, last time we checked the contract.
You want this to be fun for everyone. So that they’re liable to do it again in the future.
Create a lively mood in the house. Crank up some favorite family tunes while you all scrub down your shack. Or keep a fun, visually captivating movie on without the sound competing with the whine of the vacuum.
It certainly wouldn’t hurt to have some cold drinks and mess-free snacks around for those times everyone needs a break. And make sure to keep the compliments flowing freely and the criticism constructive.
After all, nobody really wants to be here. But with the right tools and a positive vibe, a deep-cleaning of your domicile will be a perfect chance for the family to bond and laugh together, making it more than a chore.
Which just rhymed. Thank you.