How to Bro Down at A Garden Party

A good time is genderless.

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Gardens are lovely. Parties are lovely. Getting silly in the backyard with your bros is lovely. Sure, garden parties are traditionally geared towards women, but you’re telling us you don’t long to spend a day lounging in the backyard with your idiot friends? Of course you do. Why stop yourself? Bro down at a garden party with this sample itinerary we’ve whipped up for you.

11 AM: Opening Toast

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This is a classy event, and you’re not a bunch of uncivilized oafs. Grab your finest china, pour some delicious bourbon into it (may we recommend Blade & Bow?), and toast to the wonderful events of the day ahead. You’ll want to have your playlist for the day finalized as well –– music is crucial. Start it off with Tom Petty’s “Wildflowers," and let your unconscience be your guide from there.

12 PM: H’orderves and Lawn Games

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We can do better than croquet, can’t we? Spike Ball, Kan Jam, Ladder Golf; there are tons of more fun options. Turn the backyard into your very own lawn game paradise and let ‘er rip. Of course, you’ll need to stay classy with your h’orderves, so get creative on some finger sandwiches. Pastrami? Little tiny Cubanos? You’re bound only by the limits of your imaginative taste buds.

1 PM: Lunch

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You’re outdoors, and what lends itself to al fresco dining more than a classic cookout? Burgs. Dogs. Wings. Local beer. An apron with something really stupid written on it. There ain’t a lot better in life.

2 PM: Smash Time

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The Nintendo Switch can be played virtually anywhere, and yep, that means outdoors. Super Smash Bros Ultimate is here at last, so what better way to digest lunch than to beat the hell out of your friends in the sunshine? In the game, that is. Don’t really beat up your friends.

3 PM: Vesper Martinis and Sean Connery Impression Hour

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Three measures of gin, one measure of vodka, half a measure of Lillet. Shake it very well, until it’s ice cold, and then add a large, thin slice of lemon peel. That right there is a Vesper martini, and it’s impossible to not feel like James Bond while you drink one. Enjoy your delicious beverage while you compare Sean Connery impressions. The drink will make you (feel) better at them.

4 PM: Lawn Games, Part 2

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Did you lose in Kan Jam the first time around? Perfect. Here comes the revenge match.

5 PM: Closing Toast

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As the sun begins to set on a day well spent, raise a teacup of booze one final time. Sure you're most definitely hungover before dinner, but just commit harder. Dealer’s choice on the spirit, this time; no shame in doubling back to the bourbon, but perhaps you’d like another Vesper. Whatever you choose, make it count. You earned it. And there’s gotta be some leftover finger sandwiches, right?

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