Hold a Ping Pong Tournament That Isn’t Dorky as Hell

Oh, it's oooonnnnn.

joymode ping pong table

Ping pong is fun. You know what else is fun? Winning a ping pong tournament that you held in your own home, and talking merciless amounts of trash to your friends for the rest of the time that you are alive.

Here’s how to do exactly that.

Training

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Before the tournament even starts, it’s mandatory you have an edge above the competition. You’ll want to be in peak physical condition to destroy your ill-prepared friends. If you’ve got one of those tables that fold up at a 90 degree angle, hit that up for a sort of shadow boxing situation. Need to strengthen those hand muscles? Strap some 100lb weights to each hand while you practice. This is completely safe.

Pre-Tournament Intimidation

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Here’s what your opponents don’t know: the tournament begins before they even arrive. The minute they enter your house/apartment/condo/underground bunker, they should be afraid of you. Dartboards of their own faces should speckle the walls, each one more riddled with puncture holes than the last. Plus, as we all know, there’s pretty much no reason to play games at all if you’re not allowed to talk shit. Strike fear into their hearts with intimidating phrases like “Huff my shorts!” or “I’m better than you!”. X-rated stuff like that.

Bonus intimidation: learn to hold the paddle upside down.

Choose the Right Music

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Nothing but pump-up jams here. It’s time to fire people up and get them going.. Montage songs are a must: “Eye of the Tiger”, “You’re the Best Around”, even the montage song from Team America works. Don’t sleep on Huey Lewis either. The more 80s synth, the better.

Activate Multiple Setups

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It’s easy to attach these things to any table in the house, so get multiple setups going. That way, you’ll have multiple events in the bracket happening at once, and people won’t just have to sit there and watch each match unfold. Then again, maybe you trained so hard that you’re confident you’ll slaughter everybody and you want them to sit there and watch. Diabolical.

Opportunities to Make it a Drinking Game

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We wouldn’t be adults if we didn’t try to inject some sort of drinking game edge into all that we do, and luckily, tournaments make it quite easy. Just have your contestants enjoy a delicious beverage before every round; depending on the size of your tournament, the two that make it to the finals will be hammered, and man, that sounds excellent.

Get a Trophy Made

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Sure, maybe you wanted to throw this tournament for the pure enjoyment of the sport. Maybe you wanted to spend some quality competitive time with your friends. But you also need some tangible evidence of your dominance, something beyond just bragging rights. There are so many custom trophy shops in this world. This is how they stay in business. Order the biggest one they have — just don’t pre-engrave your name unless you’re positive you have it in the bag.

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