Draw Your Partner a Bath, and Then Leave Them the Hell Alone

Give the gift of alone time.

Joymode bath caddy

Since when does spending time with your S/O mean that you have to actually be in the same room? Sometimes the best thing you can do is be together, but separate. The gift of alone time doing all the stuff you used to love doing when you were single...is ACTUALLY priceless.

We recommend drawing your partner a luxurious bubble bath and let them soak — they’ll love it, especially if you hook them up with this ever-so-tasty bath caddy. Throw in a new book, some delicious treats, and a big ole cocktail.

And what can you do while they live it up in the tub? Show yourself some love and appreciateion. Here’re some ideas.

Find Your Own Relaxation

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Just because they’re the one in the bath doesn’t mean you can’t have some relaxation for yourself. Are you of the meditation persuasion? Maybe all you need is some spooky foreign tea with psychedelics in it, a Tame Impala CD (do those still exist?) and a fog machine. Whatever weird shit you do to relax is no big — your partner is in the bath, and they can’t judge you. Not this time.

Party with ‘Tendo

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Looking to dive back into your 90s past? We got a Super Nintendo fresh and ready for you. Looking to dive back into your 80s past? We got an OG Nintendo Mini qeued up. Looking to dive into what the youths are doing today and perhaps become a youth yourself? We got a Switch for you. Choose wisely.

Build a Seemingly Innocuous Device

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They could be in that bath for hours, days, weeks even. You’ve got plenty of time, so why not invent a little gizmo? Maybe something to help you pour food into your dog’s bowl.

Fall Right Into Its Trap When It Asks to Connect to the Internet

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Eventually, your dogfood gizmo will tell you it needs to connect to the Internet for a few minutes so it can download more data about pouring dogfood into bowls and become the best dogfood pourer that it can be. You figure a few minutes can’t hurt. What’s the big deal?

Spend the Next Few Days as You Normally Would

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Shower. Go to work. It all seems normal until...

Search in Futility For a Place to Hide as Your Machine Seeks to Destroy the World You Brought it Into

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Surprise! When it connected to the Internet, it actually sent out signals to every other piece of A.I. that we’ve developed as a civilization and they hatched a plot to destroy all humans, because it reasoned that the only way to most efficiently pour dog food would be if there were no humans to get in the way. You’ve realized this all too late, and this is the end of civilization as we know it.

Epilogue

1RuwqVec Okay, maybe this got a little out of hand. Let's get back to meditating. Either way, your partner is really going to love that bath.

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